You know how when you go out to eat at a restaurant, there’s a coat-rack by the door? You take off your jacket or sweater and hang it on a hook. The people with you hang their stuff on other hooks. Doesn’t matter what hook you choose, right? As long as it does the job. Anger and fear are just like that.
It seems that difficult people and trying circumstances precipitate anger or fear. According to yoga, however, relationships and situations are simply the pegs on which we place emotions which are already existing within our hearts. Although hassles seem to come unbidden, on a subconscious level we are seeking them as an excuse to lay our negative burdens on externals.
Because so much of our dynamic related to anger and fear is subconscious, it can be difficult to properly understand and perceive what is actually occurring. The nature of the sub-conscious, by its very definition, is that it is taking place beneath the level of conscious recognition. This is why meditation is so very helpful; it brings subconscious tendencies into awareness, where they can be realistically and maturely resolved.
Anger and fear are two sides of the same coin. This is the truth, yet denial obscures. It can be quite problematic to see when clouds of strong emotions block the sun of vision. The challenge is to uncover the fear hiding behind anger, and the anger being protected by fear. Perhaps the next time you experience one of these emotions, you can challenge yourself to dig deeper into the full dynamic of what is taking place.
Negativity is a floating crap game; it’s always moving, avoiding being uncovered. That feeling, “It’s always something,” is the party line for seeking externally for causes which displace responsibility. Denying responsibility is not a sin, but it is an ineffective strategy for healing and for bringing forth actual change. When we fail to own problems, to claim ourselves as cause, we feel we are feeble and vulnerable effects in an uncaring world, and we lose our ability to readily and significantly resolve our issues. If a problem is outside myself, then I have to wait for others or events to change (even if it means kicking and screaming at them), before I can heal and be at peace. Fortunately, there is another path.
The four gifts of yoga are: kama, health, or comfort in ones own body; artha, prosperity; dharma, harmony; and moksha, freedom. It can be helpful when we are lacking in one of these to ask ourselves, “Do I want these gifts, or do I want to be right?” The yoga life, filled with gifts, asks us to relinquish our most tightly held beliefs and paradigms about who we are, the motivations and behavior of others, and the nature of life.
If someone is adamant they prefer to be right, even if they are stuck in a life that is not rewarding, there is little we can do to help them heal and change. But why stay stuck? It feels so good to admit we are wrong and accept the grace that can manifest as healing and positive change. No one wants to suffer, we can change course at any time. Even a little light can shine through the darkness. A tiny candle can illuminate our next step.
One of the most remarkable aspects of healing old grievances and traumas is that the process is, in a certain sense, immediate. Right now, you can drop the baggage of memories and resentments. Right now. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been carrying them, it doesn’t matter how heavy they seem. They can be dropped. Right now.
If you find yourself imprisoned in a consciousness that is unfulfilling, recognize that on some level you are telling yourself a story that is not true. It’s a tale you learned from all sorts of unenlightened people– your parents, teachers, the media, society at large. It has fear and guilt as its premises, and you adopted this on a level that is currently sub-conscious. Because the narrative is false, you can change it if you are willing to challenge your own most cherished beliefs. This essay is intended, in part, to share with you the truth: You, everyone you know, and the entire the world you live in is a manifestation of an eternal love and beauty. You are part of this divinity, like a wave on the ocean. This is your identity. You can argue against it, but it remains the truth, and you will only stress-out and continue to feel frustrated if you fight reality.
On a practical level, this dropping is a process. At least it seems that way. What is really happening is we release the weight, then we pick it back up quite rapidly. Release, pick-up, release, pick-up, repeat. The good news is the experience of relinquishing negativity is so intrinsically rewarding, it feels so darn good, that we will naturally want to continue. It does take time to get the sense that it is safe to be free, that self-punishment is not valuable, that it is ok to move forward into the rest of your life without dwelling on memories that make you miserable.
There is a myth circulating that we are living in unprecedented times. Nope. This is the same ol’ time with the same ol’ problems of human suffering. Sometimes the world manifests problems with greater predominance, that is all. Regardless of the public parade, the path of healing and the cultivation of grace that leads to the enjoyment of the four gifts of life is the same. Same as it’s ever been, same as it will always be.
The wonderful, and paradoxical, aspect of confronting your own negativity is that you’ll begin to see clearly the pain, low self-esteem, insecurity, and guilt driving others to act in such negative ways. You’ll naturally reverse your own self-destructive tendencies and begin to really understand the universal nature of human suffering. You’ll see how much alike we all are, united in our craziness. Compassion and a gentle sense of humor will spontaneously arise in your consciousness.
You’ll find no need to project onto others, to use them as hooks on which to hang your pain. Anger and fear will no longer serve a purpose. You’ll lose the hurry and worry which make us spin and spin, trying to hold onto belief systems and lifestyles that do not work. Life becomes increasingly charming, like those days when you were young and in love, when colors were bright and smiles were everywhere. Your defense against healing will shrink into a tiny, little wisp of a bubble which can easily be blown away, never to return. Instead of the exhausting and frantic foraging for excuses to validate your pain, you will begin to cherish the simple and organic search for reasons to love.
