I Don’t Mind, Part 2
My buddy, Mahavir, spent most of his life as a guest of the State of New York. That is, he was in their prison system for about 45 years. He’s not with us in this world anymore, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me sharing some of his story.
When he was a young man, he was dealing drugs with his gang in New York City. A deal went sour and a rival gang was intent on killing him and his crew. So, Mahavir and his guys murdered them first. Law of the streets.
Mahavir was sentenced to 15 years to life. Early on in his time, he did the one thing which the authorities will not overlook: he took an iron bar to the head of a guard. The result was his 15 years became out of the question; it was life behind bars. That became clear over the years as he was repeatedly denied parole.
The reason I am sharing this is because Mahavir was not a Boy Scout, he was an imperfect human being who made mistakes, like all of us. However, even though he lived in a cage abut the size of your bathroom, was surrounded by ignorance and cruelty, ate crappy food, and had none of the leisure outlets that keep us relaxed, he became happier, saner, and more solid than most anyone you know in the world. The reason is that he learned not to mind.
Of all the addictive behaviors human beings engage in — drugs, alcohol, gambling, and whatnot — the most damaging is the addiction to thinking. It is also the most pernicious because it is not even recognized as an obsession, and is socially sanctioned to the point where it is considered normal. If someone is an alcoholic or heroin addict, there’s a good chance that sooner or later the proverbial stuff is going to hit the fan and they will have to deal with their problem. When it comes to thinking, it’s a different story. I don’t believe there are 12-step groups to help people break free from their obsessive mind. though we in the yoga world try to lend a hand.
We frequently fail to recognize that thinking is an optional activity. It has become so habitual that it seems as necessary as breathing. But, while you won’t live long without breath, you can go quite awhile without thought. Maybe the better comparison is eating. Just like it’s healthy to eat a moderate diet of wholesome foods, similarly, it’s life affirming to be judicious about what you engage your mind in, and maybe fast from mental activity for a bit every now and then.
Thoughts do not arise from a vacuum and we are frequently not as deliberate in our mental processes as we imagine. Thoughts are generated and organized into patterns from the deepest part of the psyche, often on a sub-conscious level. This is important: the very nature of the sub-conscious is that we are not consciously aware of what is taking place. This is not easily observable, like not seeing seeds below the earth that grow into plants.
Thought patterns arise from the depth of identity, from the primal feeling of “I am me.” Identity organizes itself around the most powerful experience of life. For most folks, this is some form of pain or trauma. Until this root suffering is attended to and healed to some degree, it is very difficult to change the way we think and to grow into a better version of ourselves. This is why yoga so strongly encourages enhancing the foundational feeling to one of love, of joy, of freedom. Then, the mental structures, called vasanas, organically transition into patterns of happiness and compassion.
This process of change is generally undertaken through meditation, of insight into cause of identity, rather than trying to manipulate thoughts, which are the effects. Like a spinning fan; trying to change the direction of the fan or getting the blades to stop spinning is nearly impossible.
The common means of will-power and change of behavior are ineffective and short-lived solutions. If you stick your hand into the fan and temporarily get it to stop, it’s a temporary fix. And, eventually your arm will grow tired and you’ll lower it, and the fan will spin once again. This explains why, in spite of earnest intentions, most New Year’s resolutions are broken by the time the College Bowl games roll around. Then, it’s back to the same old same old, with the added bonus of feeling like a failure.
The effective strategy to truly ending the spinning is by penetrating beyond the superficial effects and into the cause. First, admit the fan is spinning and this is unpleasant. Second, don’t be distracted by the messages of sin, guilt and fear inscribed on the blades of the fan. Third, find the cause of the spinning fan by following the power cord to it’s source. Then, pull the plug.
One more thing, be patient and kind to yourself. Pulling the plug will definitely stop the fan from spinning, and it will bring relief and peace, but these feelings may be so unfamiliar that the knee-jerk reaction is often to plug it back in. This is the common experience of most everyone who undertakes this process of healing.
The cool thing is that over time the experience of happiness from not living with the annoying spinning and buzzing from the fan will be found to be so much more enjoyable that it becomes natural to keep it unplugged. Happiness becomes the new touchstone and the habitual desire to have a spinning fan simply falls away.
If you are walking the path of healing the mind, it’s not necessary to know more than this. There is a peace, like Jesus said, that surpasses understanding. However, if you’re like me, and most modern people, you may find it helpful to grok a little more about how the mind operates as inspiration to transition beyond fear-based identity.
First, thinking is a verb; it is an optional activity. You are certainly welcome to think, and it can be fun if undertaken with skill, but it’s not a requirement for well-being. Like exercise, it can be healthy unless it is overdone. Similarly, there is a lot of enjoyment that can come from playing mental games as long as they are not given precedence over a full and balanced life.
Second, thoughts are not all that powerful. It may not seem this way while in the midst of them, but sometimes all you have to do is step away. Like, if you’re listening to a radio station and you don’t like the music, change the channel. Give yourself permission to listen to thoughts that are productive and entertaining.
Third, it is very difficult to change others thinking by arguing with them on a mental plane. You may have seen those internet discussions where someone types their point in all caps and uses numerous exclamation points. I’m under the impression that few read these sorts of things and say to themselves, “Oh, of course, I am wrong and he is right.” Remember that thoughts arise from identity. If someone you care about is engaged in harmful thoughts, debate usually won’t help them. Instead, try and love them enough that they find that place of love in themselves. I can’t give you a plan for how to do this because love doesn’t operate with a strict formula.
Fourth, appreciate how inconsistent are the types of thoughts we call “memories.” This is important because it is the dynamic by which we construct our personal story, solidifying identity. Memories are notoriously selective and inaccurate. They are not even real; we’re actually not recalling events directly: we are remembering what is left over from the last time we remembered. An echo of an echo is not the original sound.
Finally, although many thoughts seem unique, at their root they share a common base of grievance. If you can dig deeply into the essence of a thought pattern, you may be able to discover the anger at its core. It’s interesting to find that grievances are like a hat rack. There’s so many different pegs to hand your cap on. This is why it was one thing yesterday and something different today; that feeling of “it’s always something.” One thing I have found helpful when dealing with deep-seated grievances is to ask myself, “What is the statute of limitations on this?” In other words, at what point can I give myself permission to forgive and release the past?”
Forgiveness is the master key: use it to unlock the door to happiness, fulfillment, and vibrancy. If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably tried the alternative of holding onto grievances. If so, you know where this alternative leads and it’s pretty darn crappy.
Thinking isn’t all it’s cut out to be. It’s like a fashion fad; it may seem cool and hip today, but there’s a likelihood you’ll look back someday and ponder how you could have been so bamboozled by the collective into something uncomfortable and unbecoming. Cogito, ergo sum, “I think, therefore I am” isn’t a fact, it’s a paradigm. Don’t buy the hype.
When I find myself in a difficult situation with unpleasant people, I reflect back to Mahavir. He had little-to-no external support, nothing much to provide distraction, and dwelled in an environment permeated with overt and covert messages of sin, fear, and punishment. Yet, he found a way through the bars in his mind and lived with more integrity and freedom that most. Rather than making excuses for being unhappy, he found reasons to be at peace.
Mahavir was eventually released after serving over four decades. He had developed a problem related to diabetes, no doubt exacerbated by the prison diet, and needed to have the lower half of his leg amputated. After that, the authorities couldn’t figure out how to deal with an older, medically needy man, so they booted him.
After getting out, Mahavir and I met in New York City. It was the get-together we had dreamed for decades might one day happen. It was incredibly joyous, one of the best days of my life. We reflected on our lifetime friendship, on the ways we had travelled the spiritual path together, and the conclusions of wisdom we had gathered along the way. I’ll leave you with a simple and kind of funny response we agreed was effective in addressing pretty much all that knots of complication which can arise. To many, it may sound like we are saying “I don’t care,”but after reading this essay, I hope you gather the deeper meaning and implications of our phrase: “I don’t mind.”
