Two yogis had the habit of sneaking to the back of the ashram to smoke cigarettes. They started to feel lousy about it, so they decided they would speak to the guru. Later, they got together to compare their conversations.
The first yogi announced, “Bad news. The guru has instructed me to stop smoking.”
The other declared, “Good news. The guru has told me I can continue smoking.”
They shared their dialogues to determine why they got such different responses. The first yogi said, “I asked our guru, ‘Can I smoke while I repeat my mantra?’” The guru answered, “No.”
The second yogi said, “I asked our guru, ‘Can I repeat my mantra while I smoke?’” The guru answered, “Yes, certainly.”
For this sake of our discussion, let’s define a bad habit as an attitude or behavior which we have determined is holding us back from fulfilling our potential. When most of us recognize such a pattern our knee-jerk reaction is to call it by a bad name, castigate ourselves, and wish it to be gone. We determine we will undertake some form of discipline by which we will refrain from engaging in the future or, perhaps, a penance to atone for our sin.
As most of us know, this strategy rarely works. New Year’s resolutions may be made in earnest, but they rarely last through the year. Discipline and will-power can be helpful in small measure, but behavior and deep-rooted mental/emotional patterns cannot be overcome by brute force.
Imagine a fan, representing the bad habit, is spinning. The use of discipline is like sticking your hand in between the blades to get it to stop. It may work for awhile, but eventually, your arm grows tired and drops, and the fan resumes its spinning. A few rounds of this type of effort produces a heightened sense of failure and self-reproach.
A different model of change is based on wisdom. Here, honestly and objectively we look carefully at the fan and its movement. We then can see that it has a cord that is plugged into a socket. Pull the plug, the fan stops. What a relief. Because the cessation is unfamiliar, most of us will plug it back in for awhile. Such is being human. With repetition, however, we become increasingly happy the fan is no longer spinning, content with the increase in well-being, and then we simply cease to be interested in plugging it in at all.
To focus on behavior or psychology is to remain fixated on the fan. The spinning is the effect, not the cause. The problem is spiritual in nature. To find cause within ourselves, we must dive deeply within and determine why we plug the silly fan in the first place. Everyone’s experience of this self-knowledge is slightly different, but I can share a few clues: it has to do with pain, and with love.
We adapt to pain by engaging in attitudes and behaviors which may be unfulfilling, but are assumed on a subconscious level as a remedy against the deeper pain itself. People are not bad, they just aren’t ready to attend to their own internal suffering. Confronting one’s anger, guilt, shame, and whatnot can seem overwhelming at first, but it’s a skill set that can be cultivated with regular sadhana, spiritual practice. Like any ability, it becomes easier and more natural with repeated practice.
Behavior cannot be changed long-term without a re-orientation of consciousness because, at a root level, activity arises from deeper impulses and desires. We all want to be healthy, happy, and free from suffering. We are simply pursuing these goals through ineffective solutions. This isn’t a sin; it’s not proof of malevolence, and it’s certainly not indicative of personal value. It’s simply a mistake. Now, get this: mistakes can be corrected.
No matter how seemingly large or consequential are the mistakes in your life, they can be corrected. No matter how dark is a room, no matter how long it has been without light, turn on a lamp and the darkness is gone.
The errors in your life occurred because you were in some form of pain and you didn’t understand how to get out. Plus, we live in a day and age when pain is socially acceptable, especially if it parades as righteous anger, victimhood, or martyrdom. Ever since you were a child, you have been told it is normal to live with fear and guilt, and that your errors, and those of others, were deserving of punishment. This has made you feel isolated, frightened, and wary of seeking help.
My invitation is for you to come into the world of light, of love, of Grace. Here, you will be forgiven because we see our mistakes were nothing more than impotent avoidance strategies. Everyone is worthy, all are welcome, healing is here and now. You can walk out of the room of darkness at anytime. The key is forgiveness.
The reason forgiveness works seems counter-instinctive on first hearing. Forgiveness is effective because it actually changes consciousness and perception. When you go deeply enough into your pain, your fear, your guilt, you’ll find what you are actually doing is resisting love. It’s hard to believe on first hearing. It’s quite mind-blowing as it is so radical to what we expect. It reverses the paradigm that suffering comes from externals.
It turns out our suffering and all the associated dramas, everything that makes the fan spin, is because we push love away. We are determined to keep the fan plugged in. We all want to love and be loved, but on a subconscious level we sabotage ourselves from getting what we really want, what we truly need. Forgiveness provides the space, the detachment, the gentle humor by which we can realize this dynamic. We can then see how everyone is involved in the same kooky lifestyle of struggling against what will really make us happy. The forms we personally manifest will vary, but the content is universal. Your belly button is your membership button in the human tribal folly of binding yourself to suffering. When push comes to shove, we’re afraid of love.
Forgiveness is very simple but not seemingly easy. It’s a process which requires ruthless self-examination and unconditional acceptance. This is why regular spiritual practice is crucial. There’s a price of admission into the world of love: you have to want to release everything that obstructs love’s presence. Considering that which blocks love is pain producing, it’s a pretty darn good excellent deal. This can’t be forced, though. Love is spontaneous and organic, and it arises naturally when the inhibitions are removed. You can discipline yourself to be kind and respectful to others, and you should, but you can’t will-power your way into love.
Forgive others their mistakes. Radically. Totally. Take a leap into the unknown feeling of freedom from carrying a burden of grievances. Relax. If you decide you prefer holding a grudge, you can always go back to it. You already know how to do that, right? Try, just try, forgiveness and see for yourself if it works.
Be sure to also forgive yourself. Recognize you have made mistakes; surely you’ve done foolish things that have generated problems for yourself and others. But you did so because you were in pain, you were afraid, and you thought resisting love was a good idea. Pull the plug out of the wall of your own subconscious.
When we forgive, we recognize our own dynamic of stress and tension, and we see it clearly in everyone. Then, we can flow into a higher consciousness where everyone, including ourselves, is already worthy of love. The world and everything in it appears differently because awareness has shined into the shadows. Bad habits will fall away, eventually, not from a sense of guilt or imagined virtue, but because we don’t want them.
Where there is light, there is no darkness. Where there is forgiveness, there is no reason to hate. Where there is love, there is harmony between divine consciousness and human behavior. Bring your mantra, or whatever method you utilize to nurture love and forgiveness, into everything you do. It’s quite remarkable how transformation can occur without super-human effort or hubris. Don’t run away from your fears and bad habits. Fly, dance, instead, into the light of love. Turn on your lovelight, and leave it on.
